I received a letter.

A letter, which, I thought, would save me. But it's not. On the first sight it's the same to his previous letters, except one moment. He doesn't want to write it. He was made to do it, because I ask his sister about him. Not strictly, but she understand. Why? I don't want to make him do smth for me, I don't want to make him return, cause it's useless. He wouldn't, and I can perfectly understand it. I wish I could do the same once, cause I don't want to stay. There's no future here. But have I got any future? Nobody knows.

I wanted to ask him not to write me anymore, cause it hurts me. This letters are hopeless, there's no future in 'em too. But I can't do it. I'm still too wick for such a cruel deal. Cruel for whom? For me, of course. So, I answered. Simply and usually... but it was so difficult. In every new sentence I wanted to tell him the truth, to tell about all of my sences... but made myself tell about university, new cat and weather. What's happening with us?! We were so happy, we were thanksgiving God for he let us to know each other. What's happening?.. What should I do? How should I cope with it? I'm down, I'm crushed. I don't know anything.

"Help! I need smb," - I'm crying. But nobody can help me, except myself. And maybe you, my sparkling angel.

Just a bit of reality without any loyalty. Nobody's fault.